a name in your recollection

these feelings in my bones, in my bleeding bleeding tears from hell, do not subside, i just cant seem to understand sunlit drive. shift the gears in this heap of shit. It's so heavy. I'm on my own. I'm doing this all on my own. I'm not doing this on my own. His mesmerizing eyes keep piecing my own visions. Like the devil is taking me down with him. Get out of my veins. I'm a girl I'm a girl I'm a girl. This mind on fire. These feelings are moving so fast i can't see them. I'm beat. where's my retreat. These are the times baby. Watch closely because she's learning new tricks she aint learnt before. These are the times she don't need to work no more. She needs to feel alright. She needs to hold something tight. She needs to fuck her mind away into the night. Chicka chicka chicka chezza never. Chicka Chicka Chicka hows her feather. Burn Burn Burn fresco inertia. Burn Burn Burn how never forever. She wants to run where the birds strip her. She need to trip on the wire that once tangled her. And free a sensation. Let it happen and spoil it. You can freeze your time, and it will stay frozen. You can say love and not mean it. You can forget and remember. One night in September. She needs to hurt to feel good. She has to drown to come up. She needs to forget to forgive and ride a mouse like the elephant man. Spin away the door is open. Spin away the door is in love with her. Spin down, and down and down all the way to the top. Forget this stranger lurking, messing with his head. It's not worth fighting for. It never was. She cannot compare. If it wasn't him, it would have been her. Better than lust it's a dream that took over and smoked her dismal ambitions and her own dreams.

i don't want to be hostile.
i don't want to be dismal.
but I don't want to rot in an apathetic existence either.
see i want to believe you,
and I want to trust
and I want to have faith to put away the dagger.
but you lie, cheat and steal.
and yet i tolerate you.
veil of virtue hung to hide your method
while I smile and laugh and dance
and sing your praise and glory.
shroud of virtue hung to mask your stigma
as I smile and laugh and dance
and sing your glory
while you
lie, cheat, and steal.
how can I tolerate you?
our guilt, our blame,
i've been far too sympathetic.
i am not innocent.
you are not innocent.
no one is innocent.
i will no longer tolerate you
even if I must go down beside you.
because,
no one is innocent

run, desire, run
a sexual being
run him like a blade
to and through the heart, no conscience
one motive: cater to the hollow

screaming feed me here
fill me up again
temporarily pacify this hunger that's so cruel

libido throw
dominoes of indiscretions down
falling all around in cycles, in circles
constantly consuming, conquering, devour.
'cause its time to bring the fire down
throttle all this indiscretion
long enough to edify
and permanently fill this hollow

three years of thunder.

just ash circling.

so blow it all away.